The Lindsay Brown Show

Episode 18 The Biochemicals of Love: Why Your Heart Feels What Your Brain Releases

• Lindsay Brown • Season 2 • Episode 7

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In this episode of The Lindsay Brown Show, we’re spilling the tea on why your heart feels so tied to a man before you even know his middle name — and no, sis, it’s not “destiny,” it’s biology. We’ll break down the bonding power of oxytocin and vasopressin (spoiler: one of these hits you fast, the other works on him over time), why “instant chemistry” can be a holy mess for your judgment, and how to guard your heart in a way that still honors God’s design. You’ll get a Sunshine Story that proves not every spark is heaven-sent and a bold reminder that trust comes first, then love — not the other way around. 

Here's What We're Unpacking

💜 The Instant Connector – Oxytocin
The “bonding hormone” that will have you feeling like he’s the one before you even know his last name. Cute? Yes. Dangerous? Also yes.

💜 The Long-Haul Glue – Vasopressin
The hormone that helps men bond over time — and the reason rushing it never works. Patience, trust, and consistency aren’t just old-fashioned values… they’re relationship insurance.

💜 Biblical Perspective
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Translation? Sis, God’s word is telling you to be selective, not desperate.

💜 Sunshine Story – Rich at the Ice Cream Shop
One scoop, two smiles, and suddenly you’re planning wedding colors in your head. A fun reminder that instant chemistry is not instant commitment.

💜 Guarding Against False Connection
Because feelings fueled by chemistry alone can land you in situations you’ll pray your way out of later.

💜 Bonus: Relationship Red Flag Journal Promo
Spot the signs, save your peace, and stop “investing” in what God never approved. Your heart (and your time) will thank you.

🎧 Subscribe. Share. And get ready to rise.

📲 Follow & Connect:

💜 Facebook: thelindsay.brown
💜 Instagram: @sunshinewhy
💜 The Relationship Red Flag Journal by Lindsay Brown
➡️ Get Your Copy on Amazon
💜 Join the SunshineWhy Facebook Group (private group – DM Lindsay to join)

Real Talk. Real Growth. Real You.

Keep your light on and your standards high. Thank you for listening. Enjoy today!

Lindsay Brown:

Sunshine, before we dive in today's conversation, let's rewind to Episode 17, "Sis, You're Talking Too Much: Understanding the Law of Diminishing Returns in Communication." We unpacked how more words don't always mean more connection. Sometimes, when emotions run high, adding more explanations, more stories, and more, but what I meant was moments actually waters down your impact. We talked about how men can shut down emotionally when overwhelmed by too many words, why timing and tone matter more than sheer volume of speech, and how silence can be strategic, protecting peace and creating space for real connection. I even reminded you how God models divine restraint. He doesn't bombard us with endless words, he speaks with precision and a purpose. If you missed that one, go back and listen. It's the perfect primer for what we're getting into today. Because knowing when to speak and when to pause matters just as much as knowing why you feel drawn to someone in the first place. Today, we're blending science, sass, and spiritual truth to uncover why your heart feels what your brain releases. This is about learning the truth behind that rush, that deep connection, and sometimes the inability to let go. Even when you know you should. When you meet someone new, flirt, connect, touch, or experience intimacy, your body becomes a full-on chemical lab. And these chemicals, they can be powerful, persuasive, and downright misleading if you don't understand them. Your body doesn't wait for wisdom. It responds to, hear me, Sunshine, proximity. That's why you can feel deeply bonded to a man before you've asked God if he's even meant to be in your life. That's how powerful the chemicals are. Here's a quick Sunshine disclaimer: Now sis, before you start clutching your pearls, this isn't me telling you love at first sight isn't real. Some women really have met their future husband and just knew. But even in those cases, your body still rolled out a red carpet of biochemicals to make that moment feel magical. That doesn't make it fake. It just means God wired us in a way science can explain. I'm not your neurologist, your therapist, or your mama, but I am your friend who's going to pull back the curtain on what's happening inside you so that you can love with both your heart and your head. Number one: adrenaline— norepinephrine. This is that infatuation rush. The first responders of attraction. These chemicals surge the moment someone catches your eye. Your heart races, palms sweat, and your pupils dilate. They make you hyper-focused and give you that electric something's happening, feeling. Number two: Dopamine— Reward, pleasure, addiction loop. Once adrenaline has you alert, dopamine steps in to make the interaction rewarding. Every text, call, or compliment sends a hit of pleasure to your brain. But here's the catch. Dopamine can create an addictive loop, making you crave more and more attention from that person that remember you don't even know. They just caught your eye. Number three: Serotonin, the happiness and stability hormone. Normally serotonin keeps your mood stable and helps you to feel grounded. But in early attraction, serotonin can drop, leading to obsessive thoughts, daydreaming, and even anxiety "that I can't stop thinking about him" feeling. Low serotonin is part of it. Four: Oxytocin. The instant connector. The so-called bonding hormone is released during moments of closeness, hugs, laughter, meaningful eye contact, or even just sitting side by side. Sunshine, that's why you can feel deeply connected to a man without ever crossing a physical line. Proximity, shared experiences, and a bit of physical touch can trick your heart into thinking this is my person long before he's proven himself worthy of that role. Number five: Prolactin. The post-intimacy bonding hormone. This hormone is released after sexual intimacy. Prolactin deepens emotional attachment, especially in women. It's one reason why physical relationships can accelerate feelings of "this is my person", even if the relationship isn't truly aligned. Number six, Endorphins, the stress relief, emotional painkiller hormone. This hormone is your body's natural feel-good chemicals, released during laughter, closeness, and physical touch. Endorphins soothe emotional discomfort, which can make you overlook red flags or stay longer than you should. Seven. Cortisol, the stress hormone. This one is a wild card. Cortisol spikes during uncertainty, jealousy, or conflict. It fuels overthinking, restless nights, and emotional volatility, making unstable relationships feel intense, even when they're unhealthy. Philippians 4: 6- 7 reminds us, do not be anxious for anything, and the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Alright, Sunshine. Let's talk about a lesser known but very powerful player in the biochemical love cocktail, vasopressin. Sis, vasopressin is like the steady friend who only shows up when things are serious. Did you hear what I just said? It only shows up when things are serious. It's not here for flings or fast thrills. This hormone plays a major role in helping men bond over time, especially when there's trust, respect, and consistency in the relationship. In God's design, that kind of deep connection grows through patience and proven character, not rushed intimacy, as we see in the movies, or just being in close proximity. When you stay aligned with God's standard, you give your heart space to connect based on a man's actions and values, not just the spark of physical chemistry. Proverbs 4:23 says, and I've said this over and over again, above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Skip that step, and your feelings start screaming, "He's the one," long before he's demonstrated he's worthy of that position. So, here's the truth about vasopressin. It thrives when love is patient, intentional, and anchored in mutual respect. That's the kind of bond worth building. The one that honors God and keeps you from mistaking temporary attraction for lasting love. And speaking of protecting your heart, let me tell you about the time Sunshine learned this the hard way, over ice cream no less. Sunshine learned all about this bonding chemical without ever hearing the word vasopressin until years later. Imagine this: A sunny Saturday afternoon. Sunshine meets a guy at a community event. Charming smile, smooth conversation, and when he offered to take her for ice cream, she thought, why not? They were sitting there at this cute little table. He's making her laugh, sharing stories, leaning in just enough to make her feel like they were the only two people in the room. And in that moment she felt it, this pull, this comfort, this I could see myself with him kind of energy. Here's the kicker. Her brain was swimming in oxytocin from all the eye contact and shared laughs, but what she didn't know was that her body was waiting to see if vasopressin would join the party. And let's just say, it never RSVP'd. See, for him, it was just a fun ice cream date, pleasant, light, no strings. For her, the chemistry felt deeper because she was already imagining the what-ifs. But the reality? His brain chemistry hadn't locked in. So, when the calls got fewer and the text slowed down, she was left wondering what happened. Have you been there? And Sunshine, this is why you must guard your heart. The feelings might be real, but they might not be mutual. And if his commitment hormone isn't activated, you just might be bonding with an idea, not the man you're in front of. So, what happens when feminine wisdom meets brain chemistry? These chemicals don't filter for character or compatibility. They just react to connection and closeness. That's why you can feel in love with someone who's emotionally unavailable or spiritually misaligned. So don't be unequally yoked. Boundaries, not biology, have to guide your decisions.

Lindsay Brown:

Let's shift. You don't need to manipulate biology. You need to manage it. Here's how.

Lindsay Brown:

*And if you're a woman of God, you already know the rule.

Lindsay Brown:

*Two, pray and pay attention. When you bring God into the mix early, he'll help you sense what your hormones are blurring.

Lindsay Brown:

Three, know your cycle. Ladies, hormonal shifts affect everything. Your standards, your mood, your tolerance for foolishness. Don't ignore it. Track it.

Lindsay Brown:

Four, don't confuse chemistry with character. He may make your heart skip, but does he keep his word? And more importantly, does he know the word?

Lindsay Brown:

And five, ask yourself, do I feel safe in his presence and secure in his absence? And remember, God's kind of love doesn't just feel good, Sunshine. It is holy good.

Lindsay Brown:

The trap of biochemical bonding let's make it plain. Some of you are in love with the chemical experience, not the character of the man. You feel high, but you're not held. You feel drawn, but you're not respected. That's the danger. You might say, but I feel connected to him. Of course you do. Oxytocin doesn't ask for a resume. It responds to closeness, whether he's a good man or not. We call this trauma bonding, when that closeness gets mixed with disrespect, inconsistency, or mistreatment. The cycle looks like this, Sunshine. Intense connection, that's that oxytocin, pain or confusion, cortisol, and then those makeup moments. That's a dopamine spike. And then repeat, you're hooked but not healed. And sis, we don't want that at all, because that behavior isn't holy. We're moving on, ladies, to why some women think they prefer bad boys. The bad boy attraction? That man who's unpredictable, charming, and maybe a little dangerous. Yet you can't seem to look away. Here's the science behind it: Dopamine spikes. Bad boys keep you guessing. Unpredictability creates a reward-seeking loop, like the thrill of gambling. Your brain keeps coming back for the next hit of attention. Adrenaline and the norepinephrine rush. This risk and excitement trigger the same chemicals you feel in early infatuation. That rush can be mistaken for deep connection. And then there's the cortisol drama. You can recognize this by the stress of emotional ups and downs that can actually feel addictive because the body starts linking that heightened state with passion. And here's the psychology. For some women, the bad boy feels like a challenge, a puzzle to solve, or a project to fix. For others, chaos feels familiar because they grew up in incivility. So, drama feels like home, even when it's unhealthy. And here's the spiritual truth, 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns against being yoked together with unbelievers. God's love is steady, not sporadic. The thrill of unpredictability can't replace the peace of godly connection. The bottom line says, feeling drawn to bad boys doesn't mean your heart truly wants them. It means your chemistry is responding to stimulation, not suitability. But there's good news. You can retrain your attraction to notice and desire men whose character, consistency, and covering align with God's best for you. Hold up, sis, that's a mirror moment. Grab your journal, sis. Ask yourself, have I ever mistaken a dopamine rush for real love? 2. Do I wait long enough to see someone's fruit before forming an emotional attachment? 3. Do I invite God into my dating decisions or just my heartbreaks? Know that God wants to be first in your life. Sunshine, one of the hardest truths to face is that sometimes we see the signs, but we don't want to deal with what they mean. We want the fairy tale so badly that we start editing the story in our own minds. But here's the thing: God's not the author of confusion. And if there's a pattern of missed signals, disrespect, or words that don't match actions, that's not a test you have to keep failing. And that's why I created the Relationship Red Flag Journal. Sunshine, if you've been in situations where you ignored early warning signs just to keep a connection, you need this tool. It's your personal guide to spot patterns, document red flags, and stop entertaining what doesn't honor you. It's not just a journal; it's your relationship coach in print. Because sometimes the wrong man doesn't just ask the wrong questions. He shows you the wrong intentions. And I want you to see that before you waste your time. You can grab your copy of the Relationship Red Flag Journal by Lindsay Brown today at amazon.com. Don't keep repeating what God's been trying to help you release. Proverbs 4:23 says, above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Sunshine PSA, powerful, sassy advice incoming. Here's the advice: Sunshine, just because it feels good doesn't mean it is good. And just because he makes your body react doesn't mean he's aligned with your purpose. Stop being loyal to your biochemistry and start being loyal to your standards. You're not addicted to him. You're addicted to how he makes you feel, but feelings fade. God's best for you won't keep you on an emotional roller coaster. And while we're here, let's talk about how to help your heart avoid unnecessary drama in the first place. Sunshine, follow modest decorum. I'm talking about guarding how you dress, how you move, and the situations you allow yourself to be in. That also means avoiding being alone with men who are not your husband. Yes, even the "it's just coffee" moments. Or "we're only working late" settings. Why? Because proximity is power. Ask women who have had relationship problems, and they can tell you that proximity is power. Because the enemy loves using these small private moments to stir up big public problems. The Bible is clear in 1 Thessalonians 5:22 — "Abstain from all appearance of evil." That's not just avoiding sin. It's about avoiding situations that could make sin easier or make your witness weaker. So, Sunshine, protect your space, protect your testimony, and don't give chemistry a chance to start something your spirit will later have to clean up. Coaching check-in time, remember, you can't change what you won't confront. Here's the coaching for today. If you're ready to stop falling fast and start loving wisely, build in a pause protocol. Step one: know that chemistry is instant. Character takes time. Notice the signs, the racing heart, the obsession, and those mood spikes. Two, invite God early. Bring him in before the soul tie. Step three: take space twenty-four to forty- eight hours with no contact. Just breathe. And pray. Dear God, you fill in the rest. Step four: journal what you're seeing and not just what you're feeling. Five, revisit your standards. You know, the ones provided to you in the Word as well as your non-negotiables. Ask yourself, does he fit— before the feelings? Love should align with your values, not just your emotions. And six, make decisions from God's plan for your life and from peace, not passion. Let's recap what we learned today. Love is biochemical, but wisdom is spiritual. Your brain will bond you to a man before your values have vetted him. God's love doesn't feel like a roller coaster, it feels like rest. Guarding your heart requires understanding what's influencing it. Coming next on The Lindsay Brown Show. Sunshine, next week we're unpacking " The Biochemicals of Love & Why Body Count Breaks the Blessing." This episode is a heart-to-heart about how each connection leaves an imprint on your body, brain, and spirit, and how God's restoration works no matter your past. Final words, and remember, you're not just a heart. You're also a whole, holy, and hormonally aware woman of God. Until next time, Sunshine, keep your light on and your standards high.

Outro voice over music - Kaye Rodney:

Real talk, real growth, real you.